


friends don't treat me like you do

by imdepresssedd



Series: friends [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 18:11:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19474588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imdepresssedd/pseuds/imdepresssedd
Summary: "Friends don't kiss, Will."





	friends don't treat me like you do

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on Friends by Ed Sheeran which… go listen to it if you haven't already, either before you read this or after or better yet both (maybe even while you read if you want, unless you’re a pussy like me and can’t read and listen to music at the same time).
> 
> i didn’t really specify whether or not they’re YouTubers in this so that's sort of up to you i guess??
> 
> a disclaimer: obviously mr willne and big al aren’t shagging irl and this is just a piece of fiction created purely for entertainment purposes. read on kids

_we're not friends._ ****  
** **

Alex remembers meeting Will for the very first time. He heard him - his loud, manic laughter echoing throughout the apartment - before he saw him. He remembers the utter confusion and annoyance he felt as he trudged towards the living room, where the sound was coming from (confusion and annoyance would soon become common emotions when it came to Will, Alex would later find). ****  
** **

There, in his living room, spread out on his sofa and laughing with his roommate was a lanky boy in baggy sweats and a snapback. Alex didn’t know what to expect, just from hearing his, quite frankly, ridiculous laughter. What he definitely didn’t expect was his heart to give a great thump in his chest and a fist to squeeze around it. ****  
** **

When their eyes met, the laughter died on Will’s lips - his mouth was still wide in an adorable grin, and his eyes still shone, but he was no longer doubled over and practically wheezing. George was talking but Alex wasn’t listening, too busy staring at the boy who was staring right back. ****  
** **

Alex learned that the boy’s name was Will - not because Will himself was any help in introducing himself, but because George was kind enough to take care of their formalities for them - and he was an old friend of George’s who had just moved into the building. When they shook hands, Alex had to pretend he didn’t feel what suspiciously felt like a spark run up and down his arm, had to act like he wasn’t already completely enamored by this person he’s known for all of 5 minutes, give or take (someone who’d already managed to irritate him somehow within those short few minutes, not to mention). ****  
** **

Something had passed between them then, when Alex’s hand was clasped in between Will’s and they were stood looking through each other’s souls, something that went beyond newfound friendship. Alex wouldn’t call it love at first sight, because that’s bullshit and everyone knows it, but something told him that Will wasn’t going to be just anyone. ****  
** **

He couldn’t tell you for sure if it was mutual but something tugged at him, telling him it was. ****  
** **

Rarely did a day pass that entire week without seeing Will, and soon enough that week became several, and then a month, and then several months, until Alex and Will knew each other inside and out and were near inseparable. That feeling he got when they looked at each other, when they brushed hands, when he was anywhere near Will, didn’t fade with time like Alex had anticipated. And if the way Will looked at him was anything to go by, he felt it too.

_we just try to keep those secrets in a lie._

****

Kissing Will for the first time wasn’t what made Alex cry, no - that was something out of a movie, feeling those bitten pink lips against his after having to settle for his own imagination for so long. ****  
** **

It was Will running away afterwards, wrenching his lips away from Alex’s and looking at him like he’d grown a second head out of nowhere before speeding out of his room, right out of the apartment. It was Will not speaking to him for days, rejecting all of his calls and ignoring all of his texts, avoiding him entirely. That’s the bit that made pain flare in Alex’s chest and kept him up night after night sobbing. ****  
** **

11 days had to pass before Will finally spoke to him again, not that Alex had been counting. Neither of them bring up the kiss, though Alex doesn’t doubt for a second that it’s all either of them are thinking about. The air between them is charged and thick with a tension that Alex itches to chase away. ****  
** **

When they’re both finally done beating around the bush, Will apologises, tells him what happened the other day was a ‘mistake’ on his part, that he doesn’t know what came over him and he’s _straight,_ he really is, he’s straight and he’s so so sorry, and they won’t, _can’t_ tell anyone, right? No one can know it happened. ****  
** **

Alex does nothing but nod, not trusting himself to open his mouth because everything he’d just heard was bullshit and he doesn’t deal well with bullshit, and he can’t afford to lose Will as a friend. So he keeps his mouth shut.

****

_if they find out, will it all go wrong?_

****

The next time they kiss it’s Will who leans in again, but this time there’s no running off. It’s just as soft and timid as it had been the first time round, with only a slight tinge of familiarity since it’d happened once before. ****  
** **

They’re in Will’s apartment this time, sat on the corner of his bed. Will was showing him something silly he’d bought, that contagious laugh that Alex had grown so fond of ringing in his ears. Then one thing led to another and a strong wave of deja vu was washing over the two of them as their lips met for the second time - because there was a first time, apparently. A disastrous first time but a first time nonetheless. ****  
** **

Soon enough it becomes a frequent occurrence, something that Alex and Will do in their spare time; they never went further than making out, stopping whenever it would get too heated. They don’t speak of it when George and James and Fraser are around, and it seems that no one suspects a thing - because they were always close, before they started kissing each other alone in the dark, they were always the definition of _no personal boundaries,_ constantly all over each other in a way they never were with others they called friends. ‘Secure in their own sexuality’, is what some would call it, ‘not afraid to show other men affection’. ****  
** **

It seemed, however, that Will _was_ in fact afraid. Nothing seemed to terrify him more than the prospect of people knowing that he and Alex kissed sometimes. The constant need to reassert his heterosexuality manifested in nightclub hookups on weekends with girls he never cared to learn the names of. But still, he would crawl right back to Alex at the end of the day, kissing him into oblivion and, in the same breath, calling him a friend.

****

_so i could take the back road, but your eyes will lead me straight back home._

****

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Alex.” ****  
** **

Alex exhales a soft laugh, shaking his head. They’re alone in the living room, watching random shite on TV and waiting for the pizza they ordered to arrive. It’s late and Will is delirious when he’s tired. “Die, probably.” He jokes. Will doesn’t laugh, face solemn and serious. ****  
** **

“No, really, you’re…” he pauses, eyes darting between Alex’s, like he’s searching for the right words. “You’re really important to me.” ****  
** **

And just like that, a part of Alex melts. He smiles at Will, lopsided and fond. “Aw, mate. You’re important to me too.” ****  
** **

“You’re nothing like the other lads.” Will’s voice is soft and barely audible - usually he’s the centre of attention, loud and brash and entirely unapologetic about it. ****  
** **

Alex snorts. Of course he’s not like the other lads, unless Will happens to regularly snog any of them, too. “Wow, thanks for that.” ****  
** **

“No, no, I mean… in a really, really good way like. You’re special, Alex. To me.” ****  
** **

And looking into Will’s eyes, seeing the pure emotion and sincerity there, Alex can tell he means it with all his heart.

****

_and if you know me like i know you, you should love me, you should know …_

****

The thing is, Alex knows he loves Will. ****  
** **

He knows it's more than friendly, there's no way in hell what he feels for Will is strictly friendly. ****  
** **

He knows that there's a very thin line between friendship and love and that he and Will had crossed it a long time ago. He knows that despite his self-proclaimed ultra-straightness that Will knows it too. He knows that he would probably do anything Will wanted, if he asked him to. ****  
** **

What he doesn't know is how much longer he can stand going on the way they are; kissing and touching like they’re a couple but calling each other _friends,_ mates, pals, buds, and every other synonym under the sun. ****  
** **

The worst part of it all isn't that Will may not feel the same way - because Alex _knows_ he does. ****  
** **

He knows Wil just isn't ready, knows that he's afraid because he's told him, time and time again, each time ending up with the two of them tangled up together, lips moving against one another's slow and soft and comforting. ****  
** **

Alex doesn't need words. He doesn't need Will to tell him he loves him because he can see it, can feel it. It's in the way he holds Alex in his arms when they kiss, gentle like he's something precious and made of glass. It's in the way he kisses him, pouring his heart and his soul and his all into it and telling him everything he needs to know without the words themselves. It's in the way he looks at him when they pull away, like he's the most mesmerising sight he's ever seen, like he'd be the only thing worth paying any attention to in a room full of gold. ****  
** **

But fear traps Will in denial, keeps him straight and keeps them _friends._

****

_friends just sleep in another bed._

****

When Will cries - and it's rare that he does so in front of others - he seems to shrink in size. He becomes a shell of his former self, needing to be held close and showered with love and reassurance, things that Alex usually takes care of. ****  
** **

Right now, he's cuddled up against Alex's chest, hoodie already damp with fresh tears. Alex holds him close, stroking fingers through his hair, soothing him the best he can. ****  
** **

Finally, Will speaks up, face still buried in Alex's chest so it's muffled. "'M so scared, Alex." His voice is shaky, small and vulnerable and filled with fear and dread, and Alex would happily endure hours of nails down a chalkboard if it meant never hearing him like that again. ****  
** **

"Why're you scared, love?" he shuffles so they're level, and Will's eyes are so bloodshot and tired that he wants nothing more than to pull him back against him and rock him to sleep. ****  
** **

"I thought I could stop it, thought that I - that it would go away but it fuckin' didn't, Alex, it fuckin' won't go away." ****  
** **

Alex is lost for a second, but only for a second. It dawns on him quickly, but he asks anyway. ****  
** **

"What won't go away?" ****  
** **

Will sniffs. "Feelings." ****  
** **

Alex swallows. "Feelings? What feelings?" ****  
** **

There's a silence, punctuated by their syncopated breathing, before Will is breaking it. "Scary ones." ****  
** **

Another silence, slightly longer this time. This one is broken by Alex. "Why are they so scary?" he asks softly, because it's what Will needs right now. He needs gentle and tender, careful. ****  
** **

Will says nothing for a bit, and then it's rushing out of him all at once. He isn't straight, he isn't completely gay but he isn't completely straight either, and it really fucking scares him. The way he feels about Alex scares him - whatever that means - and he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. ****  
** **

Alex strokes up and down Will’s arm, attempts to hush and soothe him. It seems to work, because his sobs die down and he’s no longer trembling. He presses a kiss to his forehead and promises him it’ll be okay, that things will look up and he doesn’t need to put labels on anything right now. ****  
** **

Before he knows it, the room falls silent and their lips are falling together. It isn’t heated or needy or desperate in any way; it’s the softest it’s ever been. ****  
** **

They stay that way for a while, until sleep is calling and they can barely lift up their eyelids. Will tangles their bodies together under the covers like he has so many times before, pecks Alex’s lips one more time before they finally shut their eyes. ****  
** **

When Will whispers _I love you_ minutes later, Alex pretends to be asleep.

****

_friends don't treat me like you do._

****

“What are we, fucking 12 year old girls?” George groans, settling into the sofa comfortably despite himself. ****  
** **

Everyone’s gathered in Alex and George’s flat for _Love Island_ , and due to popular demand Alex is in the kitchen preparing some popcorn. ****  
** **

“No one’s gonna be fucking any 12 year old girls, George, pipe down there fella.”

“Shut the fuck up.” ****  
** **

The episode is about to start by the time Alex is walking back in, 2 full bowls of hot popcorn in both hands. He sets them down and beholds his predicament - the sofa facing the TV is full, James, Fraser, George and Jake occupying it in that exact order. Josh is sat on one of the two armchairs, the other one seating Will, who immediately reaches forward and hogs one of the popcorn bowls. ****  
** **

Before Alex can contemplate whether or not he should squeeze in next to someone on the sofa or just suck it up and sit on the floor, Will is wordlessly pulling him down onto his lap.

No one seems to notice - James and Fraser are too busy bickering over who gets to hold the popcorn bowl, George is preoccupied with pretending to be disinterested in the happenings on the TV while simultaneously seeming unable to take his eyes off it, Josh is bitching about the fact that they’ve invited him over to watch _‘this shit’,_ and Jake is deeply immersed in his phone. ****  
** **

Alex squirms. _“Will,_ what’re you - ” ****  
** **

“Shhh.” Will takes his smaller hand in his own, laces their fingers together and squeezes. Brings Alex’s hand up to his lips and softly kisses it. The room is dark enough (and their mates oblivious enough) that no one clocks. “Just watch,” he whispers, nodding towards the TV. ****  
** **

No more words are exchanged; just the occasional squeeze of Alex's hand and the gentle rubbing of Will's thumb against it, his other hand feeding him bits of popcorn here and there, which speaks for itself, really.

****

_i know that there's a limit to everything, but my friends won't love me like you._ ****  
** **

It’s dark in Alex’s room; he’s not sure whether it’s late at night or early in the morning. His curtains are drawn closed, so he can’t tell. ****  
** **

It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s cozy underneath the covers, body tangled with Will’s. Their position is verging on uncomfortable, because it’s hot and stuffy and there’s no AC and Alex would love to just kick the blanket off, turn his pillow over so he can lay his head on the cooler side, wiggle his way out of Will’s arms to create space between them. But, he can’t bring himself to do any of that. Just one look at Will’s face, peaceful and ethereal, is enough for Alex to decide that a little sweat is more than worth it. ****  
** **

It’s him, this time, who whispers _I love you_ against Will’s collarbone.

****

_but, then again, if we're not friends, someone else might love you too …_ ****  
** **

She’s gorgeous. Long, flowing hair, porcelain skin, legs that go on for miles. But Alex isn't interested in her in the slightest; he’s more concerned with the arm wrapped around her shoulder, the body attached to her side. ****  
** **

"Well Will's all loved up, look at 'im." ****  
** **

Alex deludes himself for a minute; she’s probably a fan, or possibly even a close friend from back home. But then Will shatters that delusion when he leans down and kisses her, and Alex feels sick. ****  
** **

"Yeah."

****

_and, then again, if we're not friends, there'd be nothing I could do._

****

It’s not like it’s never happened before - Will’s been with other girls many a time. But he’s never ended those nights without crawling into Alex’s bed, pushing him into the mattress and pressing their lips together. Like he’s starving for something else, something the girls weren’t able to give to him the way Alex does. ****  
** **

This time, though - this time it’s different. Will doesn’t come round after, doesn’t come round for a while, actually. Alex has to hear from _George_ that Will’s dating her, that they’re a legitimate couple now. He has to go on Will’s instagram to see him calling her his _girlfriend,_ which cuts deeper than it should, all things considered. ****  
** **

It shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t hurt because they’re _friends,_ nothing more. Just friends who kiss sometimes and sleep in the same bed and say _I love you._ ****  
** **

Just friends.

****

_friends should sleep in other beds._ ****  
** **

When it’s been 3 weeks, and Alex has gone the longest he’s ever gone without kissing Will since they first started and no longer feels like he’s dying from withdrawals, when he begins to think that maybe, _just_ maybe, he’ll get over Will, begin to truly see him as nothing but a friend - Will shows up at his door, distraught and wet from rain, begging Alex to let him in with tears in his eyes and apologies on his tongue. ****  
** **

And just like that all progress is gone. Alex is letting him in again, wrapping him up and laying him down - just like old times - letting him sob into his chest. ****  
** **

Will is repeating the same words over and over; _I’m sorry_ and _I’m so stupid_ and _I fucked up_ and _I love you_ . The first and the latter being the most frequent. Alex says nothing, does nothing but rock him back and forth and press kisses into his hair. This feels like deja vu. ****  
** **

And like so many times before, they fall asleep like that, in each other’s arms, dried tears on Will’s face. Well, Will falls asleep. Alex stays awake, his own tears streaming freely down his face while his mind whirs away, overthinking him to hell and back again, over and over and over until it tires itself out and has no choice but to shut off, finally letting him sleep. ****  
** **

_friends shouldn't kiss me like you do._ ****  
** **

When Will tries to kiss Alex only a day later, Alex gathers all the willpower he has to place a hand on his chest, stopping him. ****  
** **

"Will, no." His voice is as firm as it can possibly get. "You just got out of a relationship. Don't do this." _Don't make me your rebound._ "Friends don't kiss, Will." ****  
** **

Will looks shocked. Like he wasn't expecting Alex to deny him; hell, Alex would never have expected it either. ****  
** **

"I - I just - I'm sorry." Will croaks, sounding ashamed. "I'm sorry." ****  
** **

"It's okay." Except it isn't. It really, really isn't. ****  
** **

_and i know that there's a limit to everything, but my friends won't love me like you._

**will  
6:47 pm**

****

_Can we talk??_

_It’s important_

_Can’t be done over text_

****

_course_

_u coming over or should i?_ ****  
** **

_I’m coming_

_Just a sec_ ****  
** **

“Hi.” Will wears a hesitant smile, his demeanour uncharacteristically tentative. “George home?” ****  
** **

Alex shakes his head wordlessly as he lets him in. He expects Will to lead them to Alex’s room, or at least sit himself down on the sofa. Instead, he remains stood in the middle of the living room, eyes never leaving Alex’s face. Alex raises an eyebrow expectantly. ****  
** **

“Well then? You wanted to talk?” ****  
** **

Will takes a deep breath. “Friends don't kiss." ****  
** **

There’s a pause, not tense or awkward but heavy in a way Alex can’t place his finger on. He frowns. “Yeah?” ****  
** **

“We’re… we’re not friends, Alex.” ****  
** **

Another pause. Alex blinks at him. "Is this your absolute shit way of asking me out or something?” ****  
** **

Will breaks out into a grin, but Alex can see right through, can see the anxiety bubbling inside him. He’s taking another deep breath before opening his mouth again. “Thought about what you said the other day for ages, and I’ve realised how much of a fuckin’ idiot I am.” ****  
** **

Alex purses his lips, knowing where this is going but wanting Will to keep going. “Go on.” ****  
** **

“I was just… really fuckin’ scared. Still am.” He shifts his eyes away, fixating them on the wall behind Alex. “I pretty much managed to go my whole life never questioning anything about my sexuality and then I met _you,_ and I thought I was fuckin’ insane for thinkin’ you were pretty. I thought that if I kissed you - I’d realise that snogging boys wasn’t for me, and those scary, stupid feelings would just fuck off, but all it did was make things even worse because kissing you felt better than any girl I’ve kissed, and that includes Brie. I thought that if I had someone else, like Brie, that I’d forget about you, and how good it feels to kiss you. I thought I could - I dunno, force myself to see you as a friend. Thought I could just push it all down and it would all go away eventually but it just didn’t, did it?” he scoffs, shaking his head. “Kissing you was… _is_ my favourite thing in the world, Alex, and I didn’t realise how much I need it until it was taken away from me. I didn’t realise how much I need you, but I do now. I really fuckin’ do.” ****  
** **

He’s looking straight at him now, eye contact strong. But Alex can still see the anxiety lingering in his features, wants to make it all go away. Will is talking again before he can, words leaving his mouth at such a speed that Alex almost struggles to keep up. ****  
** **

“I’m an idiot - for ever thinking we could be just friends. I don’t see you the way I see George, or James or - any of the other lads, never have. You were always special to me, Alex, and it’s always been right under my nose and I just never - I was just _so bloody terrified_ of what everything meant and I got caught up in what everyone would think if I wasn’t - if I was - not what I always… thought I was and _you_ were the only person I felt like I could turn to when things got too much and I felt I couldn’t handle it and I jus - ” ****  
** **

It’s clear now that Will is beginning to waffle, and Alex wants nothing more than to shut him up. So he does; cuts him off by surging forward, arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders and their lips colliding. It’s a right mess - chapped lips and clashing teeth and no precision in sight whatsoever - but Alex wouldn’t change a thing about it if he had the chance, because seconds in Will is pulling him impossibly closer and angling it so it’s less awkward, deepening the kiss and pouring all he has into it. It feels different, in a way, to any other kiss they’ve ever shared. It feels like forever. It feels like everything they’ve been through, from the second they met all the way up until this point, has led to this. ****  
** **

“You didn’t let me finish my big romantic speech,” is the first thing Will says when they’ve pulled apart, both panting. ****  
** **

Alex shrugs, fingers playing with the short hairs at the nape of Will’s neck. They probably look like right idiots, stood in the middle of the living room gazing at each other as if they’re auditioning for a Disney film. “Thought I’d put you out of your misery.” ****  
** **

Will breathes out a laugh through his nose, eyes crinkled because he’s smiling so big. “I love you, Alex. I really bloody love you.” ****  
** **

Alex ignores the way his heart jumps, like it’s fighting to break out of his chest and into Will’s hand. “I love you more.” ****  
** **

Will scoffs. “Don’t think that’s possible, mate, to be fair.” ****  
** **

“We’re back to _mate_ already then, are we?” Alex teases, his tone fond. ****  
** **

“Sorry, _boyfriend.”_ ****  
** **

Alex rolls his eyes, blush prominent on his cheeks. He goes in to kiss him again, but then - “You’re still gonna be my best friend too though, right?” Will grins. ****  
** **

Alex grins right back, fondness overwhelming him. “Of course.”

_no, my friends won't love me like you do._

**Author's Note:**

> AS you can tell i avoided using Mia as the DistractionGirlfriend in this and made up an OC instead because i love Mia and she deserves better.
> 
> also, i have a cute idea for a possible second part to this that i miiight write so :') yay
> 
> thank you for reading!!!!!!! it means a whole lot


End file.
